Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting is a regular feature on WMUR-TV which airs during the 12:00 noon news every third Thursday.   Extension professionals are interviewed during a three-minute segment for new ideas and fresh perspectives on the joys and challenges of raising children.  Timely topics and tips offer parents and others research-based information that can assist them in their parenting role. Below you will find additional information on topics discussed during the Positive Parenting WMUR-TV interview segments.

Vacations and Quality Family Time during Tough Economic Times

In good times and tough times, families need to relax and spend time together. A universal trait of strong families is spending quality time as a family. Making time together results in stronger, more-in tune households, which generally is associated with healthier and happier families.

Unfortunately, when parents are worried about layoffs, downsized jobs, and reductions of income, one of the hallowed traditions of family togetherness, the “family vacation,” often gets eliminated. The sluggish U.S. economy is forcing many Americans to cut back on or give up that family mainstay.

Yet in tough times, vacation time or the re-connecting time it is meant to provide, helps families manage the stress that often accompanies the tough times.

With kids getting out of school for the summer and many families trying to get by financially, it may not be a priority for families to think in terms of a family vacation or at least the traditional family vacation.

In fact, a recent USA Today/Gallup Poll found that 58 percent of people who normally take an annual vacation away from home will shrink their vacation spending this year, or just not go away, period.

Travel experts are saying there is a shift away from costly, exotic family escapes that is reflected in a renewed focus on family and friends.

It appears that Americans are redefining what is normal. The new normal is a lot more frugal, a lot less extravagant than it used to be. It is apparent that the recession is making people think twice about where they’re spending their recreational dollars. But, if the loss of the traditional family vacation is reframed to consider how families can spend more quality time together, there are many possibilities and opportunities to focus on.

In other words, it is possible to recreate together without spending a bundle. From inexpensive possibilities away from home to Staycations at home, there are many ways to achieve the same results on a shoestring budget. The family vacation is now more about family re-connecting and recreating than running off to an unusual getaway destination.

Many studies support the importance of family vacations and time together as a way to build family resiliency and strength. Vacations may be one of the few times when the entire family members are eating together, playing together, and making decisions together. The benefit of family vacations is that you are all face to face, talking, interacting, and re-connecting. Another good case for not giving up on the family vacation idea is that your kids won’t be kids forever. Faster than you think, your children will have lives of their own, and spending time with Mom and Dad won’t be high on their list of priorities. Make an effort to plan a family vacation while they still want your company.

Family vacations are also a way to demonstrate to your children that life is an adventure, and that there are different kinds of adventures that lie in every corner of our planet. With creative planning, you can find those adventures near and far whatever the budget. Finally, taking time off with your family is a time to just kick back and relax. One of the main reasons to take a vacation is to get some rest and recharge, sound advice for both adults and children.

There’s no question that tough economic times are stressful. Children pick up on the stress and the hardship messages, which can translate into uncertainty, insecurity and fear for them. If substituting a different kind of budget-friendly vacation provides a sense of stability and continuity, then that is all the more reason to make planning your family vacation time a priority. The secret to making your family vacation a time for re-connecting is all about the planning and thought you put into it.

Some back-to-basics suggestions include: state parks, fishing, substituting resort spots with rustic lakeside cabin in the woods, last-minute deals and discounted airfare and hotel packages. Check online travel forums, such as TripAdvisor.com. When you delve into specific area forums, you will gain a lot of information about a particular area by the local experts who answer the forum questions.

Families hoping to keep more money in their pocket without relinquishing relaxation, quality family time and new experiences should consider a family Staycation. It’s an old idea with a modern twist. This type of vacation enables families to stay in their local area for the duration of the vacation, discovering the sights and experiences of their own town or state like tourists. But, beware, you could easily spend just as much money staying home as you could going away, so plan and budget carefully as you would any large expense.

Another thought for families considering Staycations:  Don’t fall into the trap of doing chores during your time off at home. Take the phone off the hook; shut down your email and turn off the computer. Plan your outings, while keeping in mind the cost for gasoline. Peruse the local newspaper for discounted tickets to local museums, aquariums, theme parks and sporting events. Many libraries have passes to museums that will save you money as well. Look for free or almost-free event opportunities within the region, including musical and cultural festivals, arts and crafts fairs, or other major events. Check out online sites for discount tickets, coupons and two-for-one promotions to attractions and restaurants.

Plan as much time as possible to be outdoors; find local hiking rails, swimming holes, fishing lakes and bicycling paths for hours of free family enjoyment. The Discover the Power of Parks program is an initiative of the N.H. Division of Parks and Recreation to connect people with nature and to build an appreciation for our natural heritage through guided hikes, interpretive tours and imaginative environmental workshops geared to both children and adults. For a schedule of events, visit the N.H. Division of Parks and Recreation Web site.

For those wanting to get away without a high price tag, family camping offers financial savings with the opportunity of plenty of activities and outdoor adventure. There are even Family Camps, where instead of high-end hotel accommodations and dining, families experience cabin lodging, group-style dining and class camp activities that roll into a more budget-friendly experience.

With some of these old ideas for family vacations and recreation coming back into vogue, the question is, will they become habits that are practiced in years to come, or will people slip slowly back into their old spending ways? 

In the same USA Today/Gallup Poll surveying summer recreation trends, 75 percent of the respondents said that they would not be changing their new frugal habits in the long term. This suggests a possible silver lining in the tough economic times we are facing: over the longer term we will continue to focus on our families as we explore frugal ways to reconnect, relax, and spend quality time together.

If you'd like more information, call the UNH Cooperative Extension Education Center's toll-free number: 1-877-EXT-GROW (1-877-398-4769).

Marilyn Sullivan is an Extension Educator in Family and Consumer Resources with UNH Cooperative Extension in Merrimack County. You may contact her directly for more information at marilyn.sullivan@unh.edu

Parenting the Emerging Adult Through College

For high school seniors, June is an exciting time: Graduation marks the end of high school and the beginning of the next stage of life.  However, graduation can also bring new challenges for parents, requiring a new set of skills as they learn to parent a young adult.

While some young people stay at home and go to school or pursue a job, many will start college in the fall, often moving away from home for the first time.  Having a child leave home for college can be a major transition for both child and parent. It is exciting, but can also bring feelings of loss and sadness. After years of being totally responsible for a child’s well-being, parents need to start letting go. The child is now an emerging adult, hopefully taking on more responsibility and independence for his or her own life.  But, young people still need parents, and the role of parent may be more confusing and uncertain than it was before.

 

The transition to being a college student can be challenging and difficult for many young people. What can parents do to help their son or daughter prepare?

During the summer and after your child leaves, keep the lines of communication with your young adult open. Talk about any concerns and fears he or she may have about the approaching change.

Families might also avoid misunderstandings if they discuss expectations around finances, academics, social life, and communication before their child leaves for school.  Don’t wait until the last minute. If your son or daughter will have financial responsibilities, help him or her understand how much money will be needed.

To help avoid conflict, parents need to think through their own expectations around money, grades, housing, and calls home, and share feelings before the young person leaves home.

Hopefully you’ve had discussions about your family’s values all through childhood, as well as discussions on the tough topics of alcohol, drugs and relationships. It’s useful to discuss these subjects again, before they leave. Your son or daughter will be confronted with tough social issues, as well as people who don’t share your family’s beliefs.

While young people have to make their own decisions about behavior and values, they do still care what parents think. Studies show that parents influence their children’s behavior around drugs, alcohol, and risky behaviors, even after they go to college. Provide your young person with the facts and empower them to make decisions.

College can be tough on parents, too. What can parents do to prepare themselves?

Attend parent orientation at your child’s college, if possible. Orientation is reassuring to parents, but also provides useful information that may help parents encourage independence and good decision-making in their student. Find out about resources available on campus – the infirmary, counseling center, career development office, academic support and others. If your student calls home with a question or concern, you can make suggestions about where to go for help.

In terms of personal needs, this life change can be challenging emotionally. You may feel left out and not needed. Address your needs. Find new interests. This can be a time for your own personal development and growth.

What is the role of parent during the college years?

Parents have an opportunity to guide and mentor during the college years. Young adults still need parents to provide support; they benefit from a strong relationship with parents. Be there when you are needed, but avoid being too involved. Accept your child as an adult and develop a relationship based on respect.

Young adults are working on establishing their own identity, an important development task. Your child needs to become more independent, taking more responsibility for decisions and goals. That’s a good thing – as parents all through their childhood and teen years, our goal has been to help them become independent, responsible, happy, productive adults.  The transition from teen to emerging adult is one more step on the path to adulthood.

Other resources:

Kastner, Laura, PhD and Jennifer Wyann, PhD. “The Launching Years: No Time to Stop Parenting.”

MIT Young Adult Development Project (includes excellent information, as well as a bibliography)

NYU Child Study Center. “Making the Transition to College: A Guide for Parents”                       

University of Michigan. “Parenting a College Student, Supporting Your College Student.”

Sharon Cowen  is an Extension Educator in Family and Consumer Resources with UNH Cooperative Extension in Hillsborough  County. You may contact her directly for more information at sharon.cowen@unh.edu

 

Helping Kids to Connect With the Natural World

When I was a kid growing up in the suburbs, we were ALWAYS outside. We loved climbing trees in the nearby woods that connected two local neighborhoods, biking to the playground three blocks away, or just hanging out on the big rock in my friend’s backyard. And in our early teen years, it was pretty special to stay out longer than our younger brothers and sisters to play an early evening game of “hide-and-seek.” Our parents always had a difficult time getting us all back into our homes for the evening. These memories are remarkably similar to memories described recently by friends and colleagues close to my age. But what about the kids of today? Are we seeing this same love of the outdoors?

While doing research in the late 1980’s for a book on the new realities of family life, Richard Louv interviewed over 3000 parents and kids across the country. Through these interviews he gradually became aware of a rapidly emerging trend, something he later called “nature-deficit disorder.” Children born after 1980 seldom heard the words “Go outside and play.”

In his recent book, The Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, Louv argues that American children have lost their connection to the natural world and now live a “denatured childhood.” He believes this deprivation is not trivial, but instead a cause for some of today’s disturbing health-related trends among children: the rise in obesity, attention disorders and depression.   He uses Edward O. Wilson’s concept of biophilia (the need to affiliate with other forms of life) to explain how essential a relationship with nature is to a child’s development.  “We need direct involvement with nature, we need to see natural shapes on the horizon. When we don’t get that, we don’t do so well.” He cites research, including a 2003 Cornell University study that found less stress in children whose rooms had a view of nature. Other consequences of this “deficit” cited in his book include lack of creativity and curiosity, loss of respect for nature and the living world and a diminishing sense of community.

What are some reasons for this disconnection?

Louv suggests several reasons for this decrease in children’s contact with the natural world. There is the disappearance of those “green” spaces in neighborhoods and communities such as the open meadow or field, or the woods serving as a buffer between housing developments. And unlike the days of my childhood, parents today tend to see the outdoors as a dangerous place. Kidnappings, predators, gangs, drug dealers, and virus-bearing mosquitos all contribute to a heightened sense of fear that is communicated directly and indirectly to children and youth.

But one of the most significant, according to Louv, has been the increasing fixation on television, video games, computers  and other electronic entertainment. He identifies the role of society as “telling kids, unconsciously, that nature’s in the past, it really doesn’t count anymore, that the future is in electronics. And besides, the boogeyman is in the woods.” He feels that unlike television, nature does not steal time; it amplifies it.

What are some solutions?

Louv’s book has generated a lot of interest. The concept of “nature-deficit disorder” has been cited in numerous newspaper and magazine articles, research journals, local newsletters, and other publications. Parents, educators, and communities are interested in exploring solutions to increase “environmental literacy.”

Richard Louv devotes the second half of his book to exploring community models such as bringing back “green space” to the urban environment, providing more access to existing “green space” in the urban environment, developing a vast network of bike paths, and encouraging schools to use the surrounding ecological community as a classroom.

The role of parents in reversing this “nature deficit-disorder” is most significant.

Following are some suggestions for parents.

• Be a role model for your children. Show your enthusiasm for getting outside and doing some fun things as a family such as hiking, fishing, visiting a wildlife refuge, bird-watching, and biking. A new study at Cornell University has shown that children who fish, camp and spend time in the wild before age 11 are much more likely to grow up to be environmentally-minded and committed as adults (Wells, Nancy; 2006).
• Learn about the natural environment along with your child through local, state and national programs and places. State Parks and National Parks are excellent examples.
• Send your child to a “traditional” summer camp, one that includes lots of time in the woods, hikes along nature trails, swimming, identification of plants, trees, and wildlife, and other outdoor activities designed to instill appreciation of the natural world.
• Put your kids on a media diet, and start at an early age to establish the habit of making good media choices. If there are family rules about screen time, children will be more likely to make choices involving outdoor activities.

Karyn M. Blass is an Extension Educator in Family and Consumer Resources with UNH Cooperative Extension in Rockingham County. You may contact her directly for more information at karyn.blass@unh.edu.

article (pdf)

Prom and Graduation Safety

Spring is here and for many high school students, the focus has shifted to planning for Prom and Graduation celebrations.  While for teens, this time of year brings lots of excitement and high expectations, for parents, it also brings a great deal of concern.  While our kids are planning dresses, tuxes, limos and flowers, parents are worrying about some of the high risk behaviors often associated with prom and graduation celebrations.  These may include alcohol and drug use, risky sexual activity, or driving under the influence.  The following are some tips for helping your teen plan a fun and safe celebration.   

Ask Questions:

The more information that you have the more options you will have when helping your teen to plan.  Ask about plans for before, during, and after prom or graduation.  Find out who will be providing transportation and how many people will be traveling together.  For all events, ask where they will be held and who will be supervising.  Ask around to see if your school or other community groups are planning special pre and post prom or graduation events that your teen can be involved in.  Talk directly to other parents that are planning events your teen will attend to ensure that their expectations match yours.  Arrange with your child to have a way of communicating throughout planned celebrations in the event that plans change. 

Talk openly and respectfully:

Be direct about your concerns, but also remind your teen that you want them to have a wonderful and memorable celebration.  Let them know that your questions and concerns are focused on helping them be safe while having fun.  Be clear about your expectations and ask your teen about what they expect these events to be like.  Remember that the focus is on safety and you decide what is negotiable and non-negotiable.   If you are not comfortable about your teen’s plans, be specific about what concerns you and work together to find alternatives that you are comfortable with. 

Have a back up plan:

Talk with your teen about how they might handle an unexpected situation.  This is a great opportunity to talk about some potential risky situations and help your child plan a response.  Some examples may include:  What could you do if you find out the person who is driving has been drinking?  What could you do if you are at someone’s home and feel uncomfortable or unsafe?  Help your child develop a plan to contact you or another trusted adult for help, advice, or to be picked up at any time. 

For more information on parenting teens check out these fact sheets at 

http://extension.unh.edu/resources/category/Families_and_Parenting#23

 

PRIOR Positive Parenting Features

• Helping Children Adjust to Step-Family Life
• The Importance of Work and Family Balance
• Family Fun with Low-cost Winter Activities
• Helping families enjoy a healthy, happy holiday season
• Getting Kids Involved:  Volunteering as a Family
• Back to School:  Lunch
• Engaging Youth Today
• Finding Family Fun on the Farm
• Graduation Safety
• Supporting the Healthy Development of Girls
• Parenting As a Team – The United Front
• BULLYING DO’S AND DON’TS
• Managing the Stress of Parenting
• Lighten Up NH –Healthy Eating and Active Living Website
• Developing our Future Voters
• THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY GIVING       
• Project C.A.S.H. (Creating a Savings Habit)
• Cooking with Kids