Understanding Grandparents and Relatives as Parents
By Thomas Linehan, Family and Consumer Resources Educator, Merrimack County
Q. My daughter’s friend is being raised by her grandparents does this happen often?
A. Grand parents and other relatives acting as parents for their kin is not a new phenomenon, in some cultures or subcultures there is a rich history of this. Currently about six million children across the nation live in households headed by grandparents or other relatives. In New Hampshire, 12,458 children live with such "kinship caregivers." These situations arise when a child’s parents are unable to take care of them and arise for a variety of reasons. Common reasons include parental substance abuse, mental illness, death of a parent and military deployment.
Q. What challenges do grandparents and other relatives as parents face?
A. This is a difficult question to answer because every situation is unique. Often Grandparents face legal questions, financial concerns, health problems and the children they care for may have educational and/or behavioral disabilities. Each state varies in how it manages guardianship and other legal aspects of relatives in the role of parent. The type and amount of financial resources available also vary from state to state.
Beyond meeting the physical needs of their grandchildren, grandparents also face many emotional challenges. Grandparents who are parenting will be restarting as and their daily focus shifts back to meeting the needs of children. This is very different from their same-age peers who are winding down from the primary role as parent. This can be very isolating.
The challenges of parenting, setting limits and establishing routines in our current age, with computers, the internet, social networking sites, cell phones, can seem overwhelming for someone who is parenting for the second time around.
Q. What are the challenges for children being raised by their grandparents?
A. Transitioning into the care of grandparents often involves complex emotions. Many children experience some type of trauma and loss. Children could have behavior or mental health concerns, learning or developmental disabilities.
Circumstances may allow some children to maintain a relationship with their parents. Some parents will be unable to maintain a relationship with their children. Managing the relationship with their grandchild’s parents, their own children, is often very challenging for grandparents as parents. Children in kinship care may wonder about how they came to be living with their grandparents, where their parents are, and who will be there to love and support them in the future. Grandparents as parents may need to answer these questions many times, with developmentally appropriate answers, throughout their grandchild’s life.
Q. What kinds of supports are available for kinship care families?
A. Many communities have support groups specifically geared for the needs of kinship families that meet regularly. Available legal and financial supports vary from state to state. In New Hampshire a good place to start for more information is the web of the New Hampshire Relatives as Parents Program, a program of the UNH Cooperative Extension. Available at www.nhrapp.org.
Thomas Linehan is Family and Consumer Resources Educator, and NHRAPP coordinator, University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension, Merrimack County. Visit the website at http://extension.unh.edu