Understanding Adoption
By Thom Linehan
Q: What is adoption?
A: Adoption represents a lifetime commitment to a child; it is a process through which the legal status and responsibilities of a parent are granted. An adoptive parent takes responsibility for providing for the physical and emotional safety and well being of a child.
Q: Why do families choose to adopt?
A: At one time it may have been true that families sought adoption because they were unable to become pregnant. Though some parents adopt for this reason today, adoptive families are formed for many reasons. Examples include people who are motivated to provide a home for a child in need and children who are adopted by a grandparent or other relative.
Q: Are there different ways to adopt?
A: Children may be adopted domestically through a public agency, usually after being in foster care. Children may be adopted independently usually with the help of a lawyer or other intermediary. There are also private adoption agencies that can assist with domestic adoptions as well as agencies that specialize in Inter-country adoptions.
Q: Is parenting an adopted child the same as parenting children by birth?
A: It is the same in that parents want what is best for their children and work hard to meet their needs. It is different because adopted children face unique challenges. These include feeling different than children who were not adopted, feelings about how they came to be adopted, as well as feeling and questions about their birth families. Adoptive parents have the role to guide and support their child through these types of challenges.
Adopted children handle these challenges differently at different times in their lives. When young children are struggling with feelings related to being adopted they may develop challenging behaviors, such as withdrawing from others or the opposite extreme of temper outbursts. During the teenage years, a time of life associated with exploring identity, wondering what type of person one will become as an adult. It is common for adopted children to wonder how they are like or unlike their birth parents vs. adoptive parents. This can be challenging for adopted teens. Many adoptive families seek resources and information for managing such challenging situations from professionals, peer support groups etc.
Q: What characteristics are important for an adoptive parent possess?
A: Perhaps it is impossible to describe any one set of characteristics essential to successful adoptive parenting, though the following list may be a good place to start.
A sense of humor
Flexibility
Experience with children
A support system
Commitment to life long learning
The ability to make a long term commitment
Q: Where can I fine more information?
A: For resources in New Hampshire a good place to start is the NH Department of Health and Human Services Division of Children Youth and Families website which provides general information as well as a list of public and private adoption agencies in New Hampshire.
http://www.dhhs.nh.gov/dcyf/adoption/adoptingdcyf.htm
Thom Linehan is the Family and Consumer Resource Educator for the Merrimack County office of UNH Cooperative Extension. You can find more information at www.extension.unh.edu