Child Sexual Abuse: What is Our Responsibility?
Child sexual abuse is a largely hidden problem in New Hampshire, as it is around the world. We hear a lot about child sexual abuse in the media, and some people feel our attention to the topic has been overblown. But in reality, the sexual abuse of children persists in a climate of secrecy within families.
Two levels of conversation about child sexual abuse
We have two levels of conversation about child sexual abuse in our society: public and private.
At the public level, we almost universally condemn sexual abuse and describe perpetrators as deviant and despicable people. Despite the fact that most people who commit child sex abuse are people their child victims depend on for the very basics of life—food, shelter, and emotional support, we still tend to teach our children about the danger of strangers. That’s partly because people find it difficult to face, and even more difficult to act upon, the fact that someone they know and may even love could be sexually abusing a child.
The complexity of the situation at the private, personal level is masked by the simplistic portrayals of child molestation we typically see on TV and in movies. For example, perpetrators often make children feel responsible for the abuse. This makes it difficult for victims to tell their story, since they may feel they have to incriminate themselves to tell the truth about their situation. Child victims abused by perpetrators upon whom they depend for survival and emotional support, rightly feel conflicted about accusing their abusers of harm.
In typical media depictions, all children are pure and innocent and all molesters are evil. In these narrow portrayals, child victims of sexual abuse often don’t see or hear their own story of abuse. If children have feelings of affection toward their abusers, or if they’ve gone along with the abuse or responded to the sexual advances, they rightly fear they will be judged if they tell their story. And when victims do speak out, they often find that while the people around them believe the sexual activity occurred, they may attribute some responsibility to the child.
Research has shown that nationwide, around 90 percent of sexual abuse cases are never reported to the authorities. Even when cases are reported and investigated, New Hampshire state law requires child protective workers to meet a high burden of proof in court before cases are substantiated and families are provided with services or children are removed from abusive situations.
So what can we do?
Our Science article offers national policy recommendations that would begin to plug the gaps in our knowledge of child sexual abuse and how to treat it effectively. But there is a lot we can do as members of our local communities to prevent child sexual abuse.
- Respect children. Respect children’s right
to say no to any touch. Do not tickle, roughhouse, or touch children
in any way once they indicate they don’t want to be touched.
It isn’t OK forAunt Agnes to kiss little Jimmy
or squeeze his cheeks if he doesn’t want her to.
- Teach children “good touch.” Infant
massage, foot massage, hugs, and other appropriate forms of touch are
opportunities to help children learn to recognize what good touch is.
You can help even very young children identify how their muscles feel,
and how they think and feel when they experience wanted, appropriate
touch. A surprising amount of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by
other children and teens. Give the clear message to your children that
they must respect other people when they say no to touch. What feels
good to one person may not feel good to another.
- Look for warning signs in perpetrators. Teaching
children to protect themselves and looking for signs of abuse in children
are secondary measures that aren’t, in and of themselves adequate.
Ultimately, to stop sexual abuse, we need to stop people from abusing
children. If you suspect a particular child is in danger, or a particular
adult is having sexual contact with a child, you must report it to
the Bureau
of Child Protection by calling the N.H. Child Abuse Report
Line at 1-800-894-5533. If you have a more general concern, look at
the resources at Stop
It Now,
or call 1-888-PREVENT.
- Learn more about, and continuing supporting, the N.H. Division
for Children, Youth and Families (DCYF). While child protective
services aren’t the full answer, DCYF plays a crucial role.
They do much more than remove children from dangerous situations.
They work with families every day in which sexual abuse is a concern.
With the support of New Hampshire citizens, DCYF could take a leading
role in teaching New Hampshire citizens to recognize signs of abuse
in both perpetrators and victims, and take action.
- Fund sex offender treatment. Treatment can work.
One thing we know doesn’t work is simply sending offenders to
prison with no treatment. Stop
It Now helps abusers come forward and
get treatment or call 1-888-PREVENT.
- If you’re an adult or teenwith concerns about yourself and this issue, please take the first step and call this toll-free helpline at 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368), or visit this Web site.
by Kathy
Becker Blease, PhD, UNH Cooperative Extension Family Education and
Policy
Specialist
For more information
- How you can help stop child abuse & neglect
- Warning signs of child sexual abuse
- Common questions about child sexual abuse
- If you worry about your own sexual feelings toward children
- Child sexual abuse resources
