Children and Chores

Taking responsibility for chores is an important lesson that parents teach their children. Chores help children understand that living in a family involves work and that every member shares the responsibility and the benefits. Through chores, children become more responsible and self-reliant; chores build self-esteem. As their confidence blossoms with each new task mastered, children learn necessary life skills and the ability to prioritize, organize, and use time wisely.

Chores also help achieve one of our primary goals as parents – to teach children to be responsible and capable adults. If a child is not given responsibility, then he can have trouble relating to the needs of others and also in recognizing or feeling confident about his own abilities. A child looks to the adults in his life to tell him who he is and who he can become, and low expectations can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Play is the real work of young children. However, at about 12 months of age, 25% of children will imitate their parents as they do chores. Give your child a small broom, toy hammer or dust cloth so he can work with tools he sees you use.

Avoid assigning tasks that are overwhelming or too difficult; give your child simple, specific chores, and tell her she is a big help to the family. Recognize efforts with a “Thank You”. By the time children are in Kindergarten or first grade they are ready for regular chores.

Sometimes it is easier for busy parents to do a task themselves than to spend the time to teach the child how to do it. Adults who want things done perfectly may also feel the need to refold towels or reset the table. However, this sends the message that her efforts aren’t good enough and many children will stop trying.

If your children are reluctant to help around the house, the following suggestions may motivate them to do chores (Emily Mark & Katey Walker, “Managing Time, Work and Family,” a publication from Kansas State University Cooperative Extension):

• Initiate a family discussion: Based on family feedback, make a list of what jobs need to be done including likes and dislikes. Be specific and decide which jobs need to be done daily, weekly or monthly. So that everyone understands what is expected of them, rather than writing “clean bedroom”, write down individual tasks such as “make bed”, “pick up toys,” or “place dirty clothes in hamper”. When children see all the jobs that must be done and know that they have a say in what they do, they are more willing to do their share of work.
  
  
• Agree on acceptable standards and work quality. Everyone has different ideas about what constitutes a “clean” room. Be specific when setting up chores. Reach an agreement on standards with your child and also allow your child to have input. Lower your standard of cleanliness, if necessary.
  
  
• Decide on the rewards for a job done well, and the consequence of not completing tasks. A family meeting to talk specifically about the responsibilities, and the consequences of not fulfilling them, may work for your family. The key is to discuss this before a problem occurs, and to ensure that everyone knows what to expect. It is important to agree upon the consequences in advance and consistently apply them.
  
  
• Teach children the necessary skills to do each job safely. Parents are easily frustrated when chores are not done correctly or at all. However, when kids know how to do something well, they are more likely to accept greater responsibility. Offer compliments generously and, only if necessary, show how to do something differently. Make chores fun and play some lively music while the family is doing them. Make certain chores, like picking up toys, a contest or race.
  
  
• Create a user-friendly home. Teach your children how to be organized. Show them how to reduce work by putting things away instead of putting things down; it is easier to hang up a jacket as soon as it’s removed, rather than pick it up off the floor and put it away later. Teach children to combine tasks. For example, children can set the table for breakfast while putting away the supper dishes. Teach them about the usefulness of clocks, calendars and lists. Help them organize their time by showing them how to make a “to-do” list. Provide functional, easy-to-use equipment. Decide how each room in your house can be made more manageable and functional. An organized house creates an atmosphere in which everyone can do their household chores without a fuss.
  
  
• Set a deadline for the work to be done. To help your children learn how to manage chores, deadlines should be set and agreeable to everyone. Once a schedule is set, do not vary it without good reason. You may end up arguing with your children if they always ask to put off chores in order to play outside.
  
  
• Be a good role model. If you expect your child to make her bed, then be certain that your bed is made too. If you put off doing unpleasant tasks, you can be teaching your children to do the same.

Ideas For A Fair System Of Assigning Jobs

Review who is currently responsible for certain tasks, and if one family member is doing more than the others. While each family member can be responsible for their own room/clothes for example, other jobs can be divided amongst the family.

• Assign tasks by writing them on colored paper – for example, “blue” for daily tasks and “yellow” for weekly tasks. Have each family member choose both a daily and weekly task.
  
  
• Don’t assign disliked tasks to the same family member each time, or the same task to one child who completes it better than his siblings. Remember “practice makes perfect” for the other children.
  
  
• Avoid assigning tasks by gender, as everyone needs to learn a variety of skills.
  
  
• Write the tasks on slips of paper and put them in a job jar. Everyone picks a chore at random out of the job jar. “Job jars” are also good for those chores that are only done occasionally such as spring-cleaning.
  

Examples Of Chores

• Preschooler: sorting socks/laundry; putting away toys; placing books and magazines on a shelf; helping to set the table.
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• School-Age Child: setting the table; preparing lunch; cleaning a room; caring for the family pet; washing dishes.
  
  
• High School: cooking a meal; doing laundry; shoveling walks/mowing grass; grocery shopping; bringing in firewood.

The reward for your efforts? A more helpful child today who grows into a responsible and capable adult tomorrow.

Nancy Bradford-Sisson is an Extension Educator, Family & Consumer Resources, CheshireCounty, UNH Cooperative Extension.