When Duty Calls

Do you know a family affected by deployment?

Military life can create unexpected separation and hardship in families. According to the National Military Family Association, currently National Guard and Reserve members comprise thirty-eight percent of our military forces. Separations due to military service can be especially challenging for these families who often live far from a military installation. They lack ready access to the unique support services available to military families living on or near bases. Although military units provide information and training for Guard and Reserve families prior to mobilization, there may be additional needs that caring communities can fill.

Friends, neighbors, co-workers, and employers often want to be supportive. They may not know how to help when family separation invokes unexpected changes in family dynamics or intense feelings. The most important contributions they can make may be simple acts of caring and kindness. For example, the teen whose mom or dad has been called to duty may suddenly have to shoulder more of the responsibilities on the home front. This leaves little time to spend with friends. Rather than desert the teen and leave him to his new burden, his friends can be encouraged to spend time helping their buddy out. They can also share their own parents with the teen who may feel abandoned at a time when parental guidance is often secretly desired.

Other members of the community can play an important role in supporting these families. Teachers, coaches and youth leaders are in a critical place to observe emotional responses in children. These responses may include fears about the safety of a parent or older sibling who is serving the country away from home. Such fears are often based on a combination of real images of war they see on the news and their own imaginations. Children may also feel out of control, confused, and angry. It is important to try to maintain as many of the child's routines and schedules as possible, to help the child regain a sense of control. For example, this may require reaching out to the family and offering to help get a child to soccer practice. It can involve talking with the child to learn what he feels helps him stay in control of his life. Sometimes what the child needs to hear most is reassurance that we are there, and that responsible adults are still in charge.

Community organizations can also be supportive. A family may have worked through important checklists of financial details while preparing for deployment. However, they may suddenly be overwhelmed by the day-to-day realities of coping and managing during an extended period of deployment. Bills may get overlooked, and emergency home repairs may require outside assistance to be resolved. Community organizations are an excellent source of talented and caring people who may be willing to pitch in and provide needed help. When groups welcome military families into their groups, or reach out to assist, everyone gains.

Despite their best intentions, the family may fall behind in payment of important bills. Recently recognized with a 2002 Secretary of Defense Employer Support Freedom Award, the Public Service Company of New Hampshire provides an example of how businesses can support our Guard and Reserve members. PSNH recognizes that things can slip through the cracks during deployment, and will work with these families on payment plans to ensure their electric service is not disconnected. To take advantage of this policy, families who receive a disconnect notice should call the customer service division at 1-800-662-7764 to explain their situation. Military families who have difficulty paying any of their utility, housing, or medical bills are advised to contact the individual companies to see if similar arrangements can be made.

Paula J. Gregory, UNH Cooperative Extension Specialist, 4-H Youth Development