Extension News: Parenting Archives

Alert! Hear Malcolm Smith discuss N.H.'s new bullying law Thursday, July 1, on NHPR's The Exchange

UNH Cooperative Extension's family life and family policy specialist, Dr. Malcolm Smith, was among a small group of researchers, community leaders, educators, and program directors invited to Washington, D.C., June 21 to hear President Obama's speech on Responsible Fatherhood.

"I had Attorney General Eric Holder sitting right in front of me and most of the cabinet nearby," said Smith, "But what was most meaningful were the President's heartfelt words about fatherhood. He understands the research about the importance of fathers in young people's lives."

During the address, Obama talked about the challenges he faced growing up in a fatherless home, and about the challenges of raising two daughters while governing the nation.

"Over the course of my life, I have been an attorney, I've been a professor, I've been a state senator, I've been a U.S. senator -- and I currently am serving as President of the United States," said Obama. "But I can say without hesitation that the most challenging, most fulfilling, most important job I will have during my time on this Earth is to be Sasha and Malia's dad."

Research on family life

Smith received the invitation because of his research on family life at UNH. He also was appointed to lead a New England effort on engaged and responsible fatherhood, following an event earlier this year in Manchester, attended by Secretary of Education Arnie Duncan.

The first phase of the Obama Administration's Responsible Fatherhood program was to host six community dialogues across the nation including the one in Manchester earlier in the year. The second phase, announced by Obama yesterday, will be a request by the administration to fund fatherhood programs, parent education, and programs for incarcerated fathers.

UNH Cooperative Extension provides education programs for parents across the state

Educators in each of New Hampshire's 10 counties offer a variety of workshops for parents, relatives who serve as parents, and professionals who work with families in many different settings.

Recent researchconducted by Smith and Dr. Kristin Smith from the Carsey Institute at UNH, revealed that New Hampshire fathers are more involved in their children's lives. Smith hopes to build on that fact by launching a statewide educational campaign for fathers later in the year.

The text of President Obama's speech on fatherhood

UNH Cooperative Extension Families and Parenting pages

Photo courtesy Malcolm Smith

Brochure & comprehensive training package available for parents, parent-educators, community groups

"Many years of research have shown that bullying in our schools and in our society is a much more damaging and dangerous experience for children than we ever suspected. Unfortunately, it's also much more widespread and is occurring at an earlier age than ever before," says Malcolm Smith, UNH Cooperative Extension family life and family policy specialist.

"We've also learned that bullying has many serious consequences for the children who are bullied, for the bullies themselves, and for the bystanders who witness it."

Debunking common myths about bullying

To debunk common myths about bullying and offer parents, schools, and communities concrete, practical advice about what to do, Smith has summarized the latest research findings in two publications (order online)

• Understanding Bullying, a 16-page booklet for parents or for schools, agencies and community groups that would like to have a good discussion-starter for parent groups.
• Understanding Bullying: an expanded training package for professionals who work with parents. "This is a comprehensive 'take-and-go' curriculum for parent educators, school personnel, social service, court and other professionals who want to provide parents with the latest research on bullying," Smith says. "The package includes a CD with handouts and resources, a PowerPoint presentation with narrative, links to Web sites and recommended reading on bullying, as well as teaching recommendations and evaluation materials."

"We've included concrete steps parents of victims and parents of bullies can use if they learn their child is being bullied, or has bullied others. We've also included information about the increasing problem of cyberbullying, since today's kids spend so much time online and on cell phones."

Bullying a top priority for agencies and nonprofits

"Bullying is an important priority for several state and federal agencies," says Smith. "The issue is so important that the Children's Alliance of New Hampshire has made bullying its top educational priority for 2010."

House Bill 1523, currently wending its way through the legislative process, would update the state's current bullying law," Smith says.

"It defines both bullying and cyber-bullying and emphasizes that bullying isn't just peer conflict, but always involves an imbalance of power. It will require schools to have clear bullying policies and to use only evidenced-based information to educate teachers about bullying.

"The bill also requires schools to develop policies for reporting incidents of bullying, and procedures for notifying parents of both the victim and the bully." Smith says.

"Cooperative Extension will be offering a series of parent educational forums this spring--at least one in each county, as well as through our 4-H Youth Development program. We will also be offering train-the-trainer workshops for professionals who work with parents.

"These forums will cover evidence-based information on bullying and give them specific information about what to do if their child is bullied, is a bully, or becomes a bystander to acts of bullying."

Contact your county Extension office to learn when the forums and trainings will take place in your area, or email Malcolm Smith for more information.

Download

Understanding Bullying, a 16-page brochure that summarizes the latest research on bullying and provides parents and professionals who work with youth a variety of concrete tips on how to identify and help victims, bullies, and witnesses to acts of bullying.

Order online

Understanding Bullying A 16-page booklet for parents, or for schools, agencies and community groups that would like to have a good discussion-starter for parent groups.

Understanding Bullying: A comprehensive, research-grounded curriculum for professionals who work with youth, parents, and families. includes a CD with handouts and resources, a PowerPoint presentation with narrative, links to Web sites and recommended reading on bullying, as well as teaching recommendations and evaluation materials.

"It's all about connecting"

Cori's story
In May, 2008, 13-year-old Cori laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery during an 8th-grade class trip to Washington D.C. She'd won the honor in a school essay competition.

"It was so emotional for me," she says. "All my classmates were like, 'Oh it's breathtaking! It's so beautiful!' But my mom was training to deploy to Iraq, and all I could see were the crosses and the tombs. I kept thinking about the lost lives, the brutality of war, thinking, 'What if my mom comes home as one of the Unknowns?'."

Cori's mom, a New Hampshire Army National Guard professional, trained for nearly a year but didn't deploy because of medical problems discovered at the last minute.

"But it had come to the point that my brother and I were already packed, even though we didn't know where we were going to live [during her deployment] because of a family legal issue," Cori says. "I was feeling incredibly anxious."

Last summer, Cori and her brother got involved in Operation: Military Kids (OMK), a program designed to connect military kids with each other and rally community support for the state's more than 4,000 children whose parents are in the National Guard, the Reserves, or on active duty.

UNH Cooperative Extension has managed the program in New Hampshire since 2005 in partnership with the various branches of the U.S. military and numerous state and local organizations.

Cori attended several OMK summer camps--You're the Chef, Adventures in Babysitting, and Flight Command, an introduction to space science--a Speak Out For Military Kids training, and the Family Adventure Camp, as well as the 4-H Teen Conference.

More than just something to do
"OMK started out as just something for us to do in the summer instead of just hanging out," she says. "But it's turned into so much more--a support system. We're the only military kids in our town, so it was great to get connected with other military kids. We're all so open with each other. Nobody is judgmental. It's so great, just having a good time and leaving the problems behind.

"I've made a lot of new friends from all over New Hampshire through OMK," says Cori. "We're in touch all the time, on the phone and through Facebook. In fact, a few of us are on a team to develop a Speak Out For Military Kids Facebook page," says Cori.

"Every military kid has a different story and a different kind of stress," she says. "But we understand each other. I want to stay involved in OMK as a mentor to other military kids."

Upcoming deployment largest in N.H. history
"With as many as 1,600 New Hampshire Guard and Reserve troops about to deploy in 2010, involving more than half the state's military kids, OMK operations have kicked into high gear in the past few months," says Charlotte Cross, the UNH Cooperative Extension 4-H Youth Development specialist who directs the OMK program in New Hampshire.

"This project is all about connecting--connecting military kids to each other and to their nonmilitary peers, connecting communities to the needs of kids. Military kids are geographically dispersed throughout the state," Cross says. "Whether their parents serve in the Guard, Reserve, or active military forces, New Hampshire's military kids don't live on or near military bases, so they don't have a lot of interaction with other military kids.

"Kids have told us they don't feel comfortable talking to their friends who don't have a parent in the military, because they think they won't understand," says Cross. "They really like getting together with other kids who know what it's like to have a parent about to be deployed, who has already gone, or has come home again, and the whole family dynamic has changed."

Components of the OMK project

Ready, Set, Go! "This is one of the core programs offered by OMK," says Cross. "These are presentations we make to school guidance counselors, social service providers, mental health professionals, youth workers, clergy, and others who serve kids and families to educate them about the impacts of deployment on kids and families."

OMK summer camps "In 2009, we held eight camps that served 192 participants. Our Family Adventure Camp at Mt. Ascutney attracted 84 military family members."

Partner Project "This project offers up to $500 to community groups or businesses to help defray costs of sponsoring a program for military kids," Cross says. "This year for example, we helped sponsor a fishing derby, an apple-picking festival, yoga classes, and a kayaking adventure."

Speak Out For Military Kids (SOMK) "This project brings both military kids and their non-military peers together to teach effective ways to raise awareness about and advocate for military youth using a variety of different media, says Cross. "In the process, the young people gain leadership, teamwork, research, organization, and public speaking skills. This year, we're hoping to expand into social media such as Facebook," says Cross.

The Mobile Technology Lab "The lab travels around the state a lot," says Cross. "It features laptop computers, cameras and video equipment, printers, laminators, and other equipment that helps military kids communicate with their deployed parents and share their message with non-military citizens."

"But the Hero Packs are our big project of the moment," Cross says. "These are backpacks filled with items such as disposable cameras, calling cards, journals, and age-appropriate fun items presented to military youth when a parent or loved one deploys, in recognition of the sacrifices these young people make. In 2010, we expect to distribute more than 2,000 of them. We put out a call for help gathering donations for the Hero Packs last summer. It's amazing the follow-up calls we've been getting from schools and community organizations throughout the state.

"A Timberland High School student wants to do a townwide project with a goal of filling 1,000 packs. The Service Credit Union, which has 17 branches, plans a big Hero-Pack collection project. Epping Elementary School, Northwood Elementary School, the UNH sororities, Hampstead Congregational Church, the Pemi-Baker Youth Center, and 4-H programs in Cheshire, Grafton, Merrimack, Strafford, and Sullivan counties have completed or are planning Hero Pack projects. New England Employee Benefits Co. in Concord is raising money among its employees. The N.H. Red Cross has offered us a storage space, and the Department of Education Service Learning Program is urging its grantees to take on Hero Pack projects during the Martin Luther King Day of Service."

Military kids need community support
"Our experiences with N.H. military kids mirror the findings of recent research studies," says Cross. "New Hampshire military teens do take on increased responsibilities at home, including the care of younger siblings. Kids may have to restrict extracurricular activities. They experience less involvement with the parent at home. Their grades can drop, and they may engage in acting-out behaviors. Also, studies indicate that when a parent is deployed, the rates of child abuse and neglect may increase. Military kids have higher rates of stress, depression and relationship conflict than their non-military peers.

"However, being a military child can also foster maturity, encourage independence, provide an opportunity to build new skills, and strengthen family bonds," Cross says.

"Findings indicate that military kids who feel supported by others are more likely to develop successful coping strategies. For this reason, it is so important for us to keep building a network of support for New Hampshire's kids living in military families."

There are many ways you can connect to military youth and families. We have opportunities that will accommodate even the busiest schedule. Contact us.

Operation: Military Kids is a partnership of Army Child, Youth and School Services, National 4-H Headquarters/USDA and the University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension 4-H Youth Development Program. New Hampshire Operation: Military Kids is funded by the 4-H/Army Youth Development Project under Kansas State University Special Project #2007-48661-03868.

Get them talking, offer reassurance

With a constant barrage of media attention currently being focused on the new flu outbreak, children may become frightened or extremely worried about catching the virus.

When children talk to one another, they may receive misinformation, and peers can magnify their fears. Without a bit of guidance from adults, it's easy for kids to feel panicked.

While it's too early to know how serious this outbreak could become or how long it might last, it is important to help the kids in your life keep it in perspective and to keep yourself both calm and informed.

Open a conversation

The first and most important step is to start a conversation with your child by asking if he or she has heard about illness, and how they are feeling about it.

When talking with younger children, help them separate fantasy from reality. Hearing that this is a disease called "swine" flu can easily charge their imaginations. Let them know that although it is called "swine flu," it's a people illness--a new form of the flu.

Reassure your child

Be as specific as need be, reassuring them that people can't get the illness from eating pork, and that the disease doesn't really have much to do with pigs.

Tell them that if they do get sick with this flu, they can get medicine to help them get better and people will take care of them until they do.

Talk about prevention

Let them know that flu can be spread by sick people who cough or sneeze. Teach them what they can do to help them keep from getting sick: washing their hands often and thoroughly, covering their coughs or sneezes (into a tissue or into their sleeve) washing their hands well, and letting adults know if they aren't feeling good.

In addition, this is a good time to talk to your child about the importance of getting plenty of rest, lots of exercise, eating a healthy diet and drinking plenty of water.

Put things in perspective

It's also important to help older children keep the disease in perspective. Although some small outbreaks have been reported in schools, most of the cases associated with those outbreaks to date have been mild.

In addition, most of the schools and child care centers that have been closed around the country have been closed as precautionary measures, based on a single or few cases and not because of widespread outbreaks. Almost all of the people who have contracted the disease have recovered.

Signs of illness

Signs of the disease to watch for in children include: fever, sore throat, body and head aches, persistent cough, chills and fatigue. Remember, if your child has any symptoms of influenza, keep her/him home from child care or school, and call a health-care professional.

Meanwhile, talk to your child's school or child-care personnel about their plans for dealing with an outbreak in or near their community.

During this outbreak, it's important to keep yourself informed, but also to limit the amount of time the TV and radio are on in your house while children are tuning in.

For the best and most up-to-date information, check in periodically with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or the Extension Disaster Education Network's Swine Flu page.

by Dr. Malcolm Smith, Family Education and Family Policy Specialist for UNH Cooperative Extension. He can be reached by email at: Malcolm.smith@unh.edu

Against a backdrop of recent news reports citing an increase in child abuse, more than 200 pediatric nurses, family-support professionals, child care providers, social workers and home visitors attended two Oh Baby! trainings held in Manchester and Portsmouth in the past month. A third training, scheduled for May 21 at Plymouth State University, is filling fast.

Designed by UNH Cooperative Extension Parenting and Child Development team members, the program helps participants use Extension's popular child-development newsletters, Cradle Crier and Toddler Tales, as part of an ongoing effort to educate New Hampshire parents and reduce the incidence of child abuse and neglect in New Hampshire.

The programs featured Dr. John Hornstein, a former UNH professor and a consultant to Harvard Medical School, who presented, "Culture, the Brain, and the Wisdom of the Young." Hornstein gave participants an update on current brain research with infants and toddlers and new methodology for educating young parents. Other highlights included presentations by Sarah Leonard, infant and toddler teacher at UNH's Child Study and Development Center, and Extension Specialist Dr. Malcolm Smith.

The Manchester training was co-sponsored by Early Learning New Hampshire and hosted by the Family Education Collaborative at the Manchester YWCA. The Portsmouth Community Campus hosted the Portsmouth event, which was co-sponsored by Families First, a parent resource and education center.

Learn more about the Oh Baby! programs and register for the Plymouth State training.

Explore UNH Cooperative Extension's Families & Parenting pages

Policy analysts and researchers from UNH Cooperative Extension, the UNH Department of Family Studies, and the Whittemore School of Business and Economics have completed a comprehensive review of the state's Child Support Guidelines and made recommendations to the Department of Health and Human Services, Division of Child Support Services.

"Even though the current guidelines have been working fairly well for many people, with the rapidly changing economic climate and measurable changes in the patterns of parents involved in child support, it was time to revisit the guidelines," said project leader and Extension Family Life and Policy Specialist Dr. Malcolm Smith.

State and federal laws require the Department to conduct a review of Child Support Guidelines every four years.

Information collected from many publics
Over the past year, the team held public forums in Manchester, Keene, Portsmouth and Littleton and solicited input from people who pay and people who receive child support, other interested parties, and a variety of key stakeholders.

"One of the strengths of this process was the well-rounded approach taken by the review team," said Smith. "This review will be used internally by the Department of Health and Human Services, Division of Child Support Services (DHHS DCSS) and will be reviewed by the N.H. Legislature for possible implementation in the next session."

"The most important feature of our evaluation," said Dr. Reagan Baughman, an economist from the UNH Whittemore School of Business and Economics, "was that we listened carefully to all parties affected by child support and developed recommendations that balanced the concerns of payors, payees and their children."

Recommendations move on to state legislature for action
According to Dr. Michael Kalinowski of the UNH Department of Family Studies, "This final report makes several recommendations, each of which we believe will provide some improvement to the child support formula and practice, and which together form a balanced and integrated package."

"We are very pleased to present this study to the N.H. Legislature," said Mary Weatherill, who directs the DCSS. "Not only because it meets federal and state requirements, but more importantly because it provides an unbiased, reliable economic analysis."

Read the complete 2009 NH Child Support Guidelines Review and Recommendations Report or the brief summary of recommendations.

Visit our new Positive Parenting page at the Family, Home & Garden Education Center. The page opens with information about National Family Week, November 18-14, on the theme of Connections Count.

With the busy holiday season coming up, why not invite your children into the kitchen to help cook? Alice Mullen offers tips on how in her article Cooking with Kids.

Visit Positive Parenting often for new ideas and fresh perspectives on the joys and challenges of raising children.